Posted 10:49 AM by Floyd

Another brilliant letter to the San Jose Mercury News:

Elect McPherson

WHAT a refreshing opportunity Californians have this November. With Bruce McPherson running for lieutenant governor, voters actually have a chance to elect a man who will implement sound economic policy and still protect the environment. McPherson has stood firmly against offshore oil drilling and voted to fund programs to fight a disastrous tree fungus. Any candidate who wants to increase the green in my pocket and the green in this state is a dream come true.

Jason Miller
San Jose

I'm not sure I caught the sound economic policy. Preventing offshore oil drilling raises oil prices and suppresses local industry. Fighting a disastrous tree fungus is nice -- especially if the fungus writes boring letters to the editor -- but I don't think it's what they call a pocketbook issue.

It's hard to get too worked up over the arguments in this letter; what immediately springs to mind is the double-fucking-dummy-Mookishness of it all. Who the hell cares about the election for lieutenant governor? Will this man have any power at all? (Answer: How many people has Cruz Bustamante shaken down?)

Writing a letter to the editor advocating a candidate for lieutenant governor is like going to a porn convention and getting excited because although you didn't meet any of the ladies, you did get an autograph from the key grip for Where the Boys Aren't Part 6