Posted 1:04 PM by Floyd

I heard on the radio that Damon Wayans has a new sitcom. This reminded me of the last issue of Spy magazine that I read. It was shortly before Spy went out of business and may have been the final issue. You wouldn't have thought the rag was about to fail from the content; it was funnier than all the good bits from The Onion in the last year.

The creme de la creme was an investigation into which Hollywood family had more pull: the Wayans or the Baldwins. Spy invented a fictitious brother from each ("Michael Baldwin" and "Tito Wayans"), and then called various parties and restaurants pretending to be that person's personal assistant and trying to get in. The results were amazing (as well as a clear victory for the Wayans):

Spy: Hello, I'm Michael Baldwin's personal assistant. He was wondering if he could attend the book signing party tonight.

Girl answering phone: Michael -- is he the baby Baldwin?

Spy: Yes.

Girl answering phone: Yes, of course. Oh -- tell him to say hi to Daisy -- I'm small and blonde, I'll be in the front.

   

Spy: Hello, I'm a personal assistant for Tito Wayans. Would it be possible for Tito to attend the opening night festivities?

Security: What's the Wayans boy doing in town?

Spy: Publicity.

Security: We can't just have anybody saying they're Tito Wayans and showing up. It's a very exclusive event.

Spy: That's not a problem. Would you like us to fax you some I.D.?

Security: We know what the Wayans boy looks like.

   

This sounds like fun; maybe I should try it myself:

FM: Hello, is this Congressman Gephardt's office? ... My name is Floyd McWilliams and I work for Professor Glenn Reynolds ... No, of course he doesn't write everything himself ... Not that many, only six of us on this shift ... Anyway the Professor got the Flash ad okay but he didn't get those office party pictures ... You know, the one where Congressman Gephardt got a little crazy ... No, it's fine, it's part of a new image campaign, the Congressman knows all about it ... floyd@best.com ... Yes, I promise to spell his name right.

FM: Hello, may I speak to the events coordinator for CAIR? ... My name is Floyd McWilliams and I work for Charles Johnson. I understand Mr. Hooper will be delivering a speech on anti-Muslim hate crimes and I was wondering if you could get me admitted ... No, not Charles Austin, he's the "sine qua non" pundit ... No, not Christopher Johnson, he's the Midwest Conservative Journal ... you know, Little Green -- hello? hello?

FM: Hello, is this MediaWhoresOnline? My name is Floyd McWilliams and I'm an assistant to Andrew Sullivan? ... No sir, I'm not here to present you with a Begala award ... This may sound kind of strange, but Mr. Sullivan is done with conservatism and wants to write for your site ... Yes, I know that seems sudden ... Apparently he ran into Paul Krugman by chance and they started arguing, then they spent some time alone with a bottle of wine ... Yes, that's what Mr. Sullivan says, great backrubs ... I didn't know that was common knowledge ... Howard Raines, you say? ... Anyway I won't need to take any more of your time, just give me the ftp password for the site and we'll get to work.