Posted 11:40 AM by Floyd

Plays Like He's Intercontinental

I found this link in my referral logs:

http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=fr&sl=en&u=http://floyd.best.vwh.net/weblog/2003_12_21_archive.html&prev=/search%3Fq%3D

What does the French translation of my blog from last December look like?

Le Gouverneur Pataki de New York de smacks de Colby Cosh autour pour son "pardon" de Lenny Bruce:

Je me sens d'autant plus comme je dois avoir rêvé cette histoire de nouvelles. Quel sur terre était le point de "pardoning" un homme dont le corpus créateur entier a été efficacement proscrit? Si quelqu'un jugé pour faire un des routines de Lenny sur une étape de New York ce soir, cet abruti Pataki serait à l'avant de la foule de torche-roulement chassant le camarade imprudent la tête la première par les rues.

Le "pardon" posthumous est un inanity moderne. Une personne d'une force plus humble d'âge contemple notre liberté actuelle de la parole, et se sent tranquillement reconnaissante. ...

Le gouverner Pataki de New York de smacks de Colby Cosh? (Isn't this how Chretien talks? -- ed) I think someone's software went overboard on the de's. (Further down on the page I had written "Link via Drudge's wacked-out red page," which was translated as "lien par l'intermédiaire de la page de rouge du wacked-out de Drudge.")

I like that "est un inanity moderne" bit though.

Posted 8:36 PM by Floyd

A few days ago I mocked Citibank for an imbecilic freeway ad. ("Bling-bling, not bling-bling-bling.") Citibank, like Cingular Wireless, assumes that its customers are dolts. However I will say that given this initial assumption, the aforementioned companies behave reasonably and even honorably. That is to say, their advertising is conducted with a minimum of condescension, probably does entertain people who have short attention spans and room-temperature IQ's, and touts products that are worth having.

I issue this caveat because when reading through today's mail I was faced with actual malevolence and contempt for stupid people. The perpetrator was AT&T. I received a postcard

ANNOUNCING

The AT&T Telephone Protection Plan

No one can be completely prepared for the unexpected. But you can stay connected with the AT&T Telephone Protection Plan. Get it today and save yourself time, money, and the inconvenience of dealing with a broken home phone.

So let me get this straight. I can either spend $47.40 a year so that when my phone breaks I call AT&T (how, if I'm not "connected"?), wait to speak to a representative, make an appointment with a four-hour window for a technician to look at my phone, and then spend time and effort filling out reimbursement forms.

Or I can take the $47.40, go to Target, and get another phone.

AT&T must think that "shit for brains" is not an expression, but an actual medical condition.

Posted 8:16 PM by Floyd

So on the drive home from work I was listening to Perry Farrell squeal that he wasn't gonna pay the rent, presumably because he spent all his money on helium. Is there anyone who thinks that Jane's Addiction was a good idea? Who are they, so I can slap them?

Even if you enjoy Farrell's castrato, why pay $17.95 to buy one of his CD's? Surely you have a whiny little brother or cousin or nephew; record him in action, and your listening pleasure is assured. As a bonus, you can swap the recordings without fear of being prosecuted by the music industry.

Posted 2:45 PM by Floyd

So much of America is agog over The Beating the Sh.., excuse me, The Passion of the Christ, a motion picture which represents a new way for the religious to acquire psychological problems: In addition to guilt, confusion about normal sexual desire, and priestly abuse, one can now be scarred by exposure to mayhem. Meanwhile observers of ice hockey debate over whether Todd Bertuzzi's vicious rabbit-punch of an opponent reflects badly on the sport. (Colby Cosh in particular has blogged several posts arguing that people are overreacting; for instance here he approvingly quotes a minor league hockey player who says, "But I'd love it if everyone would get off their high horses about the serious damage to the game, and to their kids' psyches, and to their respect for Todd Bertuzzi. Hockey fans are already watching the next game; the rest can go back to Regis." Now hockey is Cosh's national game, not mine, but I have always wondered why boxers, whose sport consists of assault and battery, can keep their attacks within certain bounds but hockey players cannot.)

Is it possible to combine the two memes? Instead of Jesus whipped and crucified in ancient Judea -- a boring place that lacks glitter and excitement -- the Savior can die for our sins on the ice. Christians can see how the Son of God suffered for them. Hockey fans can watch big goons enforce the "honor" and "integrity" of the sport. Everyone is happy! Just imagine:

The Checking of the Christ

Coming to a theater near you.

In Russian, Swedish, and Canadian. With subtitles.

Posted 10:15 PM by Floyd

Driving on the freeway on the way to a bridge tournament, I saw the following Citibank billboard:

Bling - Bling

Not Bling - Bling - Bling

This is the latest in Citibanks' series of advertisements, which Aaron Haspel mocked as "seriously annoying fortune-cookie advice". This goes beyond annoyance and enters the realm of insanity. Would you trust your money to a bank that spouted such drivel?

Posted 7:03 PM by Floyd

Today's San Jose Mercury News web page has the following teaser in the portion of the page that one can see without scrolling:

Debating Walmart

Gilroy must decide if retailer does community more harm than good.

No one could accuse the Merc of bias for this neutral formulation, could they? But what if we substituted another subject for "the retailer"?

Gilroy must decide if adult bookstores do community more harm than good.

Doesn't roll off the tongue quite so easily, now does it? Try this:

Gilroy must decide if allowing the sale of The Communist Manifesto does community more harm than good.

I think quite a few people would object to that. How about:

Gilroy must decide if Mormons do community more harm than good.

I don't like that one at all.

The Mercury News would be well served to report facts, rather than trying to shape stories to suit its prejudices.